so i am thinking right now, how about writing tonight everything i feel about his nearing departure. it gives me that slight heart attack, the unusual numbness i can sense and i tell you, never in my whole life did i felt such thing, i feel like drowning, so alone and lonely, depressed and nervous. there are a thousand and even millions of things coming in and out in my mind, uncontrollable circumstances, things that would disappoint and hurt me. i am very much worried about us being away from each other, not seeing or spending time even just for a few minutes together. it saddens me that no one’s going to meet me after a loooong tiring day just to share a meal with me, no one’s going to cook saturday dinner after mass, no one’s going to watch movies with me on a hot weekday or during rainy afternoon’s. No one’s going to visit me on a Sunday afternoon, just because we miss each other, no one is going to send me home during wee hours more so no one’s going to accompany me in times i feel like having the need of companionship… i feel like i lost a total half of my daily routine, for more than 8 months i wake up everyday with a thought that we are just 15 mins. away from each other but not starting on Sunday where we will be a hundred miles away. i know its just temporary but i find it big deal because i still can’t accept that he’s not going to be here for quite sometime. Erldin is the kind of boyfriend you will always miss because when we are together he never fails to assure me that he is there, that i got all of his attention, that even after a whole day being together you still going to miss him. it really, really breaks my heart and the worst is, i do not tell him because i don’t want him seeing me being in a bad condition, i want him to go with a free heart that i am ok, i don’t want him being pressured and thinking about me.
ERLDIN,
I may be said because we will be apart temporarily but more than that I am happy for you because you are a step closer of making your dreams come true. No distance can ever break us apart, i am confident and secured enough that we will make it through everything, despite and in-spite the circumstances that may come our away. I will miss you so much my engineer, every second of the day. See you soon. I love you so much Honey. I know you will make it.
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